This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize