I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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