Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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