eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
