Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
