i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
