tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize