I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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