hell yes lets make some ravioli
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
