We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
