Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
