a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
