i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
