im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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