I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
