I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
