I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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