I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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