Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize