im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need a beard to bite.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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