he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
