you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
