At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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