I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
