you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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