I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
