omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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