Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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