I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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