no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
