Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
