gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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