seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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