this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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