My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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