lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
how does that bad decision feel?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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