Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
