i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
