Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
