Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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