Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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