I love black thongs
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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