the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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