Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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