I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
