we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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