i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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