When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
