Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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