At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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