Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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