mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
