Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
