zippers are such a cool invention
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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