Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
