oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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