Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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