Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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