I want to have your abortion
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize