When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
