i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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