dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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