Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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