Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
be right there i have to get my cape
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
