Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's never too late to be topless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
