Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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