just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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