I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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