anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
