ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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