God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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