she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize