Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
