Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
