and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
