I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
