It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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